I’ve had a wave of family visitors the last 3 weeks – it’s been awesome mostly. Festive, bustling, celebratory and fun. It’s also been exhausting. At the end of many days, I’ve felt like my eyes are heavy in their sockets, my throat is not sore but overused, and I have nothing left to say about really anything.
On these days, I’ve had nothing to write. It feels not like I have nothing to say but that I have a million things to say but my brain is to sore – like a sore throat – and depleted to get a thought pushed through the channels.
It’s not just writing that doesn’t come easily in those moments when I’ve expended all my spare energy. It’s engaging with my wife, taking care of my body, staying on top of life things that need staying on top of (like updating my credit card on the EZ Pass account or rolling over a retirement account), or following through on plans like menu planning or other errands. It’s not to say this wave of visits sucked everything positive – I’ve created wonderful, life-long memories and forged family bonds that are priorities to me – but it’s an honest reflection of the choices I’ve made with my brain and emotion and time beyond the essentials.
So I’ve started to think of this blog and writing as a kind of canary in the coal mine – when I don’t have the juice to write, what else can I not give energy to that I care about? When I don’t have anything to say, what else am I letting get blocked up?